Welcome to my new blog, “Madness, Math and Marketing.” This is my first original blog post in almost 6 years. That’s a long time between posts. My last blog post was sometime in December of 2011. It was on my old blog site The Matte Pad, which focused on the topic of legal marketing. The blog no longer exists. It was linked to Max Advertising, a branding and marketing agency. The agency no longer exists either. A blog with hundreds of posts and a marketing agency that I owned for almost 20 years. Both gone. Their demise falls squarely on my shoulders.
This new blog is not about legal marketing. It’s not about how I managed to destroy almost everything that was good in my life and then somehow piece it back together. It’s not about how our family managed to heal and eventually thrive after the madness. That’s all covered in a narrative non-fiction book that I finished writing earlier this year. It’s sitting in self-publishing limbo. I’ll write more about that soon.
Let me give a very brief history about myself. I’m 54 and live in Johns Creek, Georgia. I have 2 boys, ages 19 and 21. I’m divorced but my ex-wife and I are on good terms. In January of 2012 I had a complete mental break down and lost all touch with reality. I walked away from a successful advertising agency I had owned for almost 20 years. I also walked out on my wife and children. I lost everything. All these events happened when I was both paranoid and delusional. Drugs did play a part in my psychosis. Specifically cocaine. Many life-changing events happened that year, too many to list here. In December of 2012 my ex-wife and I reconciled. I came back to Georgia to get help for my psychosis and rebuild my relationship with my children. Things slowly started to get better. By 2014, I was my old self again, maybe even a better version of myself. I started a marketing consulting agency and the last three years have been a success. But as much as I love marketing, I didn’t go through hell to spend the rest of my life doing the same thing I did before the madness.
This blog is also not a survivor blog. It’s not a blog about overcoming addiction and dealing with mental illness. There are plenty of good blogs that cover both of those topics in varying degrees.
No, this blog is not about those things. This new blog is about my brain. My mind. How I now see the world. This blog is about how something was accidentally turned on in my brain that I have been unable to turn off. I have spent a good part of the last 5 years doing research on the brain. Research on attention, awareness and consciousness. Reading copious amounts of blog posts, articles, books and mind numbingly boring academic papers. Trying to find the right doctor, neuroscientist or academic to tell me what the hell happened to my brain. I’ve offered myself up as a test subject at a few universities. I’ve either been ignored or told that it takes time to get grant money for this type of research. I’ve had two separate MRI scans to make sure I have no lesions or brain tumors. Both scans have been clear. No signs of a stroke or damage from drug use either. Thank God. Nothing is visibly wrong with my brain. It just does some weird shit. Some really cool weird shit that I’m finally ready to share with the world.
For the longest time, I wanted validation from these neuroscientists before I was ready to show and tell what my brain can do. Not anymore. I’m tired of sitting on this gift.
Why would I want validation? Why would I need validation? I’ll tell you why. When I was on drugs and out of my mind, I spent a lot of time trying to convince the people closest to me to believe things that were not true. I wanted my family to believe the crazy and outrageous things that I believed in my altered state. Back then if I thought my son had turned into an alien then I wanted you to believe it as well. He didn’t. Which is good to know. I really did believe this too, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. It took me a while to accept the fact that I was psychotic. With or without drugs.
Let me be clear. I was psychotic and delusional. Now I’m not.
But something happened to my brain, most likely from the drugs. Perhaps from the cocaine use and a combination of genetic factors. Something changed in my brain. For the better too I might add. Once things settled down anyway.
So what does my brain do that’s so amazing? Why do I consider it a gift? I’ve developed what I can best describe as a new skill. I have somehow developed a new type of vision. I can access, what appears to be, a different level of consciousness. My brain is in a constant state of hallucination. When I first started researching this phenomenon the best description I could find was of hypnagogic hallucinations or visions. It’s the waking dream state you are in right before you fall asleep at night. Many works of art and creative ideas have been discovered in this state since the Greeks first wrote about it thousands of years ago. The best-known example being August Kekulé’s realization that the structure of benzene was a closed ring while half-asleep in front of a fire and seeing molecules forming into snakes, one of which grabbed its tail in its mouth.
The beauty of it is that I can access this state any time. All I have to do is shift my attention to it. And there it is, right in front of my eyes, as plain as day. But it’s more than just hypnagogic hallucinations. Many people have these types of hallucinations. There are even a few blogs that talk about dealing with and managing them.
My visions are something else. Something more. Perhaps they are related. I would imagine so. The difference is that my hallucinations are interactive. They are responsive to my thoughts. I can summon them on demand. I can change the visions with a thought. I can ask or better said, think of questions. I will then receive visual answers to my questions. At minimum I get visual responses. Not necessarily an answer to my question, but a kinetic visual image pointing me in the right direction for an answer.
I call this new skill Upsight.
What exactly is Upsight? I’m still trying to figure that out. It’s something that I’ve been playing with for 2 to 3 hours a day almost every day for the last five years. First and foremost, Upsight is a tool that can access another level of consciousness. Perhaps it would be better for me to say it’s accessing another part of my brain. One part of my brain is picking up information and a signal from another part of my brain. Information that had typically gone unnoticed. This part of my brain contains data and information that I’ve found very useful. It has answers to questions that I didn’t know I knew. It’s an area of my brain that I didn’t have access to before I went mad. Its like my own personal Wikipedia. In fact, I affectionately call the part of my brain that Upsight accesses Schizopedia. The reasons should be obvious.
How am I doing this? Where in my brain is Upsight to be found? Where in my brain is Schizopedia located? I don’t know. I’m not a scientist. This is another reason I wanted to partner with an academic institution. We could figure this out together. Get some answers. Stick me in an fMRI machine. Run some tests. See what part of my brain lights up when I use Upsight. Find the location of my Schizopedia pages. Hook me up to an EEG machine and measure my Theta waves or whatever. I can do this on demand in a lab all day long. This is not metaphysical. This is measurable and repeatable. And I can prove it.
I’ll discuss some more details of Upsight in my next 2 blog posts, but before I do, I want to talk about why I started this blog and who I’m hoping to reach. I know many people will read this and dismiss it out of hand. Say that I’m still crazy. I’m prepared for those skeptics. It’s to be expected. But there will be some of you that are curious. You’ll want to learn more. Hopefully you’ll keep reading. Perhaps you will tell a friend or a business associate. Eventually someone will read it at Facebook, Apple, Google, Microsoft or IBM. In time someone from a university will read this and they too will want to learn more. The people who need to see it will see it. Connections will be made. Research will begin. Of this I have no doubt.
I’m writing this blog as a way to demonstrate that Upsight has practical applications in the business world. I’ve spent most of my adult life running a marketing agency. If I didn’t think this skill could help people and businesses find solutions to literally any problem they face then I wouldn’t waste my time on this blog. It would still be a cool mental trick. Like people with Hyperthymesia who have extremely detailed personal memories. As cool as that skill is, Upsight is more. Much, much, more.
Next up, more about Upsight.
Do you need “Out Of Your Mind Thinking”? Send me an email. I can help.